How can we resolve challenging conversations? |
There are often those conversations that you know you must have both in business and in life that you know are going to be difficult, that you know you need to have but keep putting off. There is always a good reason to delay, at least it seems to you that there is a good reason but in reality, just like going to the dentist it needs to be tackled. So what might you be able to do to enthuse yourself,calm your nerves and move forward with the conversation you know you need to have.
There is some really excellent advice on this from the new Andy Bounds book on communications entitled "The Snowball Effect". The first thing to try and address is to look at the future in these conversations and not go back to a past version of the blame game. This is not a very easy way forward but nevertheless is critical. We also need to find out what makes the other person tick and what their priorities are - -usually try to identify more than one priority the other person might have. We then need to mention and acknowledge past blockers but to move on from them straight away. We do not need to get distracted by them -- resist the temptation to do so and move forward. We need to rapidly move into the Next steps phase where we need to identify the benefits to the other person of progressing the situation and then offering them two or three tangible options to resolve the issue. Giving them options will probably reduce their ability to say no to a single solution and increases their likelihood of agreeing to one of the options.
In essence you will need to envision the outcome of any difficult conversation before you start it. Try and identify a range of options that will get you what you want to achieve.
It is then a must, to try and script the "challenging conversation" you are going to have in the following stages:
1. Your focus on the future introduction -The future will be better let's take things forward.
2. The questions you will use to find out their key priorities - I want to focus on your priorities and how things can improve.3. Acknowledge the past blockers but move on - (Perhaps we can avoid or minimise this bit?)
4. Next steps - -- explain the benefits of an agreed way forward for both parties and then offer two or three options for your colleague to hopefully agree on one of those options.Offering more than one option will make it more difficult for your colleague to reject any solutions as this would be seen as a bit of a negative approach on their part.
In the most challenging of conversations it is always helpful to confirm by e-mail what has been agreed and by whom.
Then that is it? -- Well not always as life is never as easy as that - but at least the next time you have to tackle a challenging conversation,hopefully you will be better prepared for success?
Let's hope so -- I'm already preparing my script.
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